Tick-Tock Diner Clifton New Jersey

My credentials are this: I love food. My first verbal demand to my parents was "Take me out to dinner." I was three. And I knew the place I wanted to go bar none. It was the most beautiful structure I had ever seen, The Neptune Diner, intersection of Hwys. 33 & 35 in Neptune New Jersey (a shining silver shore-town beacon). I guess that is my other credential: I'm a Jersey Girl.

In New Jersey, Diner dining is not a downmarket dining experience. Especially if you like simple food done well. Diner dining is part of my fabric, my family, my Jersey to the New.

So now my review of a recent meal at one of the most famous diners in New Jesey, The Tick-Tock Diner, Clifton, New Jersey.

I started with Disco Fries.

If you are a "Diners, Drive-Ins, and Dives" addict, you know that Guy loves New Jersey Diners and visited the Tick-Tock. He had the "heart attack on a plate" Disco Fries and proclaimed excellence.

Uh uh.

I got mine on a great Tick-Tock platter (can I BUY a set of these?) with their logo. But the serving dish was the best thing in front of me.

The fries came un-crisp (yes they do come with gravy, but did they have to come white, blobby, undercooked?). The smattering of gravy was but the cheese was on top was MICROWAVED.
Tell me, even those of you who are not TOP CHEFs...what does a microwave do to a French Fry?

Soggy fat logs in your mouth.

I did ask to take them home as I knew I could doctor them up for passable consumption (and did the next morning). A young, very young, bus-boy brought them back to me and handed them to my dining companion, my sixteen year-old daughter. Oh, his eyes said, these can't be for you. Your enjoyment of this Love Boat has sailed. I smiled and watched the horror on my very Vegan daughter's face. Cheese and meat? Oh Mother.

On to my Spinich Salad which was supposed to come with Blue Cheese and Ranch Dressing. Pardon me, did you say Blue Cheese and RANCH dressing? I asked for vinegarette.

The spinich was so old and tough it was like tearing through tarp. The bacon was undercooked (hello French Fry) and the hard-b0iled eggs had green yolks (Sam-I-Am-I'm not). There was a lot of blue cheese, but it was difficult to eat, alone, with vinegarette as it's only partner. The cucumber was fresh, the tomato too wintered to eat, almost as pale as my undercooked fries.

My daughter did not complain about her Garden Burger. That dish seemed fine, but not as good as the Veggie Burger at the Star Diner, North Wildwood, NJ.

A few years ago my father ordered pea soup at the Tick-Tock and it was wonderful. So I can't say this dinner was typical. But I did talk to a friend we ran into there that same night. And she asked me "How was your dinner?" I flattened my hand and moved it back and forth. For those not from NJ, that sign is as universal in NJ as the international "no" sign is to the world, it's Italian (although I'm not) for "metza metz," or "metzo metzo," half-and-half. Mediocre.

She nodded in agreement.